I miss the sense of purpose and clarity I felt while in treatment-the way staring your mortality straight in the eye simplifies things and reroutes your focus to what really matters. “In my lowest moments, I fantasize about getting sick again.

It’s time for me to figure out who I am now.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () “It took me a while to say I was a cancer patient. “I told everyone I was fine, when in fact I needed the privacy to fall apart.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () “To quell my own fears, I needed space from theirs.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () Finding the silver lining felt like part of the punishment.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () On an irrational level, I felt wronged by those whom I saw having ‘poisoned’ me (people in lab coats, phlebotomist, my mother) and by those who encouraged me to think positively about it (friends, Hallmark cards, the ‘cancer books’ section of Barnes & Noble).

But the body has its own memory: It remembers who hurt it. “The logical mind tries to remind itself that sometimes you must suffer in order to feel better. It can make you feel like there is nothing but you and your anger, the crackle of exam table paper beneath bruised limbs, the way your heart pounds into your mouth when the doctor enters the room with the latest biopsy results.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () “ Suffering can make you selfish, turn you cruel. “For the person facing death, mourning begins in the present tense, in a series of private, preemptive goodbyes that take place long before the body’s last breath.” Suleika Jaouad, Between Two Kingdoms () The List: 32 Suleika Jaouad Quotes from Between Two Kingdoms on Cancer, Suffering, and Survival Reading her account of going from top-of-the-world, to rock bottom, and how she “clawed” her way back to life is raw, gripping, and nothing short of awe-inspiring.īelow, you’ll find 32 of my favorite quotes from Between Two Kingdoms that will introduce you to some of the major themes of devastation, pain, suffering, love, healing, recovery, restarting, and survival that Suleika poignantly shares throughout. Right as she was finding her path in the world and was carving out a life for herself that she was excited for, cancer came into the picture and abruptly took it all away. It sweeps the rug out from underneath the person who is living their life according to plan (or as according to their plan as they can manage), and leaves them dizzy and on their back trying to make sense of an immediate confrontation with their own mortality.

And while not all cancer diagnoses are created equal, there’s one unifying factor in all of them: cancer interrupts. It’s rare that I meet someone in today’s world who’s life hasn’t been directly impacted by cancer. The suffering it has caused is unfathomable. Click here to jump right to our list of quotes from Between Two Kingdoms!

Suleika jaouad between two kingdoms